Anaya...... freedom

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Her wedding dress laid discarded on the floor. It was time..... time to act on her decision that she had contemplated about for so long.

As she walked out of the room, she went back in time when all of it started.

Anaya was a simple, educated and a very care-free girl who believed in enjoying life to the fullest. As per her desires, she had graduated from a very reupted college in the city and had been immeditely picked up by the top most designing boutique. She had explored her creativity and designed clothes creating her own signature style.

One thing led to another and before she knew her parents were talking about her wedding. She met Adarsh in one such traditional match fixing date and had instantly taken a liking towards his straight forward and down to earth nature. She had given her approval to her parents and the prepareations for her wedding started. Her parents were exicted about their only daughter's wedding and being very wealthy did not want to leave any stone unturned for her wedding. They had spent a lot of money and had only the grandest & finest things arranged for her wedding.

Back with (hopefully) a bang!!!

It’s been 4 years since the world cup and 4 years since I’ve last posted on this blog (except for the one off blog entry on 'The Immortals of Meluha'). 4 year has been quite a long time to go on a hiatus.

But 4 years is definitely a long time for copious changes to happen in one’s life. From being Ms. to Mrs., from being in HR to becoming a part of an instructional designing team, from being Mrs. to almost taking the next step of becoming a mom but losing it mid way and from being employed to becoming unemployed. Numerous changes, numerous emotions, numerous gains and numerous pains. That just sums up my life for the last 4 years.

Over the course of these past 4 years life has been a constant teacher. It has allowed me to make mistakes, corrected me when needed, made me restless when my goals haven’t been achieved, given me the satisfaction and the much needed rest when I have been able to reach the next milestone in my life, given me the opportunity to be at my happiest best and made me grieve over what’s lost.

I met my special somebody, my future family whom I’ve come to believe as my own, made new friends, made new connections that last me a life time, met new people and carried on with life.

The past years has shown me both ups and downs, shown me my best and my worst, shown me who’s mine and who isn’t. I’ve lived every minute, every second of these past years. I’ve enjoyed my life for whatever it is during these years. I only hope that the future years have something good stored in them. Something memorable, something that makes life worth living!

The March of Daffodils

The month of March is here. It's the month of colours (Holi), the month of Woman's day and how can I forget……. It's the month of exams.

I remember slogging my *** off in school during the month of March. Coz that was the month when I finally woke up, realized the enormous amount of lessons I had to study, panic on whether I would be able to finish them before the exams begun, set into an absolutely biologically impossible rhythm trying to finish off the enormous portions in an absolutely limited time frame and finally bow down to the powers of almighty to have me scrap through the exams with a decent percentage which would give me the courage to stand before my teachers & parents when I went to collect my marks card.

High School was particularly difficult for me for the simple reason that I choose to have my first language as English when compared to the horror of having to choose Sanskrit. I prefer to be bred as a decent English lady than being bred as a Sanskrit pundit wherein I wouldn't be using the language for any other reason than to get good grades during the 3 years of my high school.

So obviously the language of English was accompanied by its entire clan of phonetics, sentence formation, correct usage of words and dissecting the sentences into simple & complex sentences. Not to mention that the Subject itself was split up into Literature, grammar & poetry. How did I manage to get through those 3 years of absolute drudgery??? I still wonder about it sometimes!

As much as I hated doing all the boring work in the subject, what particularly interested me was the part of poetry. I loved 'The Daffodils' by William Wordsworth.

Full Circle

It's strange how life turns around when you are least expecting it.

2008 - 2010 has been extremely taxing on me, in terms of personal life, relationships, professional life and in terms of maintaining my sanity as a person, as an individual. I always had this thoughts that I was bound with shackles which was making it very difficult for me to think, strategize and come out with a solution. It was like I was on the brink of insanity and many of my previous posts have reflected this.

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The last 2 years, I've realized emotions which I've never expected, experienced frustration at its peak, desperation clawing in me and depression killing me from inside. But if there's something that I must be proud about in these 2 years, it is the ability of having grown as a person internally and individually. The ability of having to withstand negative emotions without reacting to it. The ability of being indifferent towards people and towards circumstances which I no longer cared about. The ability of controlling my anger towards people and towards circumstances.

Just when I had given up hopes of a brighter tomorrow, the sun shone with its glorious rays encapsulating me with a warm glow of contentment from within.

Delays are not denials - I had read this as somebody's status message on gtalk a couple of days ago. When i had read the message, I was filled with rage. Because for me, delays have always turned out to be denials.

But then I also do believe in the adage of a silver lining for every dark cloud. And Trust me; I believe this now more than ever.

It's strange how life turns a full circle when you are least expecting it.

Unconditional Love

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A story is told about a soldier who was finally coming home after having fought in Vietnam. He called his parents from San Francisco.

"Mom and Dad, I'm coming home, but I've a favor to ask. I have a friend I'd like to bring home with me."

"Sure," they replied, "we'd love to meet him."

"There's something you should know the son continued, "he was hurt pretty badly in the fighting. He stepped on a land mind and lost an arm and a leg. He has nowhere else to go, and I want him to come live with us."

"I'm sorry to hear that, son. Maybe we can help him find somewhere to live."

"No, Mom and Dad, I want him to live with us."

A Reason, a Season, or a Lifetime

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People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you figure out which one it is, you will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON . . . It is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are! They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrong doing on your part, or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.

Sometimes they die.

Sometimes they walk away.

Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.

What we must realise is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered. And now it is time to move on.

When people come into your life for a SEASON . . . Because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They bring you an experience of peace, or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant. 

~ Borrowed from the internet

The Great Greek king, Alexander

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The great Greek king, Alexander, after conquering many kingdoms, was returning home. On the way, he fell ill and he was bedridden for months. With death drawing close, Alexander realized how his conquests, his great army, his sharp sword and all his wealth were of no use.

He called his generals and said, “I will depart from this world soon. But I have three wishes. Please fulfill my wishes without fail.” With tears flowing down their cheeks, the generals agreed to abide by their king’s last wishes.

“My first desire is that,” said Alexander, “my physicians alone must carry my coffin. Secondly, when my coffin is being carried to the grave, the path leading to the graveyard should be strewn with gold, silver and precious stones which I have collected in my treasury. My third and last wish is that both my hands should be kept dangling out of my coffin.” The people who had gathered there wondered at the king’s strange wishes. But no one dared to question. Alexander’s favorite general kissed his hand and pressed them to his heart. “O king, we assure you that your wishes will all be fulfilled. But tell us why do you make such strange wishes?

At this Alexander took a deep breath and said, “I would like the world to know of the three lessons I have just learnt.

I want my physicians to carry my coffin because people should realize that no doctor can really cure anybody. They are powerless and cannot save a person from the clutches of death. So let not people take life for granted.

The second wish of strewing gold, silver and other riches on the way to the graveyard is to tell people that not even a fraction of gold can be taken by me. Let people realize that it is a sheer waste of time to chase wealth.

And about my third wish of having my hands dangling out of the coffin, I want people to know that I came empty handed into this world and empty handed I go out of this world.”

Alexander’s last words: “Bury my body, do not build any monument, keep my hands outside so that the world knows the person who won the world had nothing in his hands when dying.”

~ Borrowed from the internet

The hope of a brighter tomorrow

* Dedicated to every student who has failed in the board exams but has had the spirit to fight back and emerge as a winner!

She sat on the bed with the bottle in her hand, tears flowing down her cheeks. She dint remember for how long she was crying. She didn’t even attempt to stop the tears from flowing or to wipe them from her cheeks.

Her bedroom was a total mess. There were papers, clothes and other personal articles strewn everywhere. Her question paper was lying in tatters on the floor. She was still trying to come out of the shock of what happened. How could she do something so stupid like this?

Sanjana was in her 12^th standard. She had taken Science as her specialization. Although she was handling all her subjects well she faced difficulty with Physics. So she had been extremely careful when she was preparing of her board exams. She had paid particular attention in studying the subject, referring previous year’s papers, textbooks and notes. She had made sure she had prepared well.

But as she sat down in the exams hall she started feeling nervous. When the exam paper was handed over to her, she had one look at it and she started sweating nervously. She felt a little faint and completely blanked out. It was then she realized what would be in store for her. Tears started to well up in her eyes. She knew she would never pass in the exam. In spite of it, she wrote what she knew. But that was not what she wanted or expected out of herself.

Justice after all............

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After almost a year, she had stepped out of the house today. It was a year and it almost seemed like yesterday.

Pranav had been extremely busy with his new business venture of late and had taken extra strain and stress on himself. She had complained to him often about it but he just wouldn’t stop. He was extremely passionate about his business venture. She would often find him logged on to his computer late at night designing proposals for clients. And when there was a long weekend ahead for them, it seemed like a welcome break for her and Pranav to catch up. Pranav was still trying to master the art of driving, but he had coaxed her into taking their car for their weekend get away. It was their first out of town drive in their brand new car. Those 3 days were blissfully spent in a wonderful resort. Having their daughter with them was like an added bonus. She got more time to spend with Pranav and she was very happy about it.

Nature's fury

It was raining heavily and the atmosphere outside was grey, just like how he was feeling. He had just heard the words that he had dreaded the most. The last 12 hours had turned his world upside - down. He was soaked with perspiration with all the running about he had done. He did not even have the time to change his clothes before he rushed his wife to hospital.

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Looking back he realized it was not even 24 hours since he had seen her radiant with happiness. It was their first wedding anniversary and like any typical husband who was madly in love with his wife he wanted to do something very special for her. He had racked his brains for the last 2 months planning out every single detail for their special day. He had called up her friends at odd hours asking for help from their end, in turn being cursed for having disturbed them. He had planned the most special day for her and she had absolutely loved being pampered from the beginning of their special day.

Games people play

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She had seen him through the fence that was separating the play area from the common area.

She could clearly remember he was wearing a white shirt and blue jeans. He was about 25 years old. He had carried a pink teddy bear in his hands. The moment she had set her eyes on it, she had decided that she wanted it. It was one of the most beautiful one that she had ever seen. She had dragged her father along with her, running behind that guy just to make sure that she could have the teddy bear, take it home and play with it, show it around to her friends and make them feel jealous.

Colours.....

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I wish I had more colours with me

All I have is black and shades of grey

I would have painted the most beautiful picture

Allowing my thoughts to stray

I would have depicted love through a mother’s eyes,

Aloneness through a lover’s byes

Deceit through a fiend’s vice

And pain through a baby’s cries

But you know that I would fill the world with rainbows

Taking the glory away from you

This is why you have given me just No’s

Every time I ask a favor of you

But there would be a time, when you realize what I am

For I know you would walk me through the sands of time

*Pardon my immaturity at this amateur attempt of poetry. Hope to improve with time! :)

It hurts............. but do 'You' realise that it does???

Given the kind of human beings we are, one of the things that would hurt us the most is Differentiation!

Having known that do we stop others from doing it to us? No! Do we stop ourselves from doing it to others? No! Yet, if there's something that hurts us the maximum its differentiation! And its probably the most widely used tool too - the Power to differentiate!

My sorrow is not for sale

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My sorrow is not for sale,
Nor for exhibition.
Yet I end up auctioning my tears
The devil bids the highest.

Courtesy: http://gaurigharpure.blogspot.com/

Guess I'm the one who's most familiar with this. My only hope would be to wish that the devil is actually an angel in the guise of a devil

Give me some sunshine give me some rain, give me another chance to grow up once again……….

Of late there’s this strange sense of loneliness that’s creeping into me. I’m feeling myself drawn into a black hole with no way out. It like walking in a dark room with no support, or like somebody’s blindfolded me and let me loose in a place which I’ve no clue about. Finding myself alone amidst a crowd of strangers is understandable. But I seem to be finding myself alone even among known people. I’m lost in my own thoughts when everybody around me is discussing something important. I don’t seem to connect with them on any level. I’ve tried to reason it out with myself, and am not able to come to any substantial conclusion. What’s more disturbing is every time I contemplate about it, I’m being drawn deeper into the black hole. It’s happening from within and it’s like I’m completely shutting myself from the outer world. I’m not becoming conceited but I do feel that I’m on the verge of becoming oblivious to the world around me. I know it’s not a good sign but I don’t see any ray of light which can pull me away from this feeling of emptiness.

Sad but true…

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Today I had to take one of the most difficult decision of my life………… closing my first ever salary account. I had been postponing this decision over the past 6 months with the hope that I may find a job and the account would become active again but it’s been of no use.

As I walked to the bank I had the feeling that I was going to lose a very dear friend of mine………… my debit card. I probably never felt this depressed even when I quit my job coz I was never attached to it.

I remember the very first day I had touched it, it felt so magical. I was ecstatic the day I was handed my very own debit card. I even remember the first purchase I made using the card.

Finishing the formalities as I handed the debit card and cheque book to the person sitting across the counter, he started fidgeting with my debit card. He bent it so that it cannot be reused again and I felt that he was bending a part of me. That’s when I realized: somebody’s prized possession may be somebody else’s toy.

As I walked back from the bank, my bag did feel lighter with the absence of the debit card and cheque book but my heart sure felt heavier.

Taciturn reflections indeed!

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I thought my creative juices had dried up & I was suffering from a temporary period of writer's block until a disturbing event surged up my emotions wreaking havoc in my mind.

The past few weeks have been extremely disturbing at the personal font & taxing my brains creating unexplainable turmoil within me. I have been muddling my way through this mess, dragging myself to face the realities of the harsh world yet again. I thought “YOU” were giving me the courage & the hope of a brighter tomorrow. All “YOU” were doing is feeding me with enough strength so that when I could faintly stand up on my legs, “YOU” can beat me down to dust again. “YOU” & me have an on-going battle, since time immemorial which both of know & are aware of. By now i have learnt of tricks to deceit “YOU” in “YOUR” own game. Yet my love & devotion towards you has never become less. Yes, I do question “YOU” on occasions when I felt “YOU” were not by me, those occasions when I needed “YOUR” support the most, I had to search high & low for “YOU.”

I do believe in the "footprints of sand", but “YOU” have never proved it to me when time & again I was faced with such situations where I wanted “YOU” to hold my hand and comfort me. Yet, I am not complaining about it.

But I don’t understand “YOUR” actions towards the people who trusted “YOU” the most. Even during the most disturbing times they never forget to thank “YOU” for what “YOU” have given them, yet it is these very people who “YOU” are torturing today with pain like they have never experienced before.

I know I deserve the 'testing times', “YOU” are taking me through. “YOU” probably want to make me emotionally stronger. What I fail to understand is why “YOU” are taking 'them' through these testing times when they definitely do not deserve this at this age. Don't “YOU” feel you are distancing “YOURSELF” from them??? Yet their love and devotion towards “YOU” will not become less. They will never complain to “YOU” about it.

I don’t know if this would make “YOU” feel any much guilty than “YOU” already are?

New year resolution - 2009

Another new year and yet another resolution………….. hmmmm sounds quite boring, especially so if I don’t stick to it 3 days after making it. Just like every other pretty (Ahem!) girl around the world, I also make resolutions year after year about going to the gym, maintaining a healthy life style blah, blah, blah. This year, I thought I’ll make a resolution that’s so different from the rest of the ones I’ve made so far, that I feel like keeping up to it.

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What do I call thee, let me count the ways.........

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“I said I love you and see you as something more than a friend,
You said you see me as nothing more than just a friend.

You said you dint love me
And yet you get jealous when I go out with other guys

I am just another friend for you,
And yet you shower me with all your love and affection

You said we were just best friends and nothing more,
And yet I’m the first person to be informed about the happenings in your life.

You talk to me about your other girl friends,
And yet I’m the first to ride your new bike.

You are not the first person to wish me on my birthday,
And yet you come home to make me feel special.

The Garden City

For a person who believes that Bangalore was, is and will be the best city ever to live, a visit to a city in the neighboring state came as a pleasant surprise. The wide roads, the various restaurants, the hang out joints, the bindaas guys and babes of the city were actually an eye opener.

After Bangalore if I had to actually rate my choice of preference for a place to stay it would probably be this city. But if I had to actually think back on the statement just made by me then I would in fact see a vast difference and yet vast similarities between the two cities.

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No doubt that one is “The” IT capital of the country and the other is just emerging to be one, people in both the cities are equally busy.

People in both the cities actually turn into maniacs when they start driving and I guess the same follows through out the country.

People in both the cities equally enjoying eating out (we Indians are known for our vast appetite for good food!)

No doubt the meters of the auto rickshaws in this city read kilometers or distance traveled very much unlike to the auto rickshaws in Bangalore which shows the amount, but in both places the drivers’ mentality is the same – to loot people.

But still there’s something that actually makes me feel that Bangalore is the best place to stay coz no matter how busy people are with their own lives, we still manage to strike a conversation with the person sitting opposite to us in the public transport system, and sometimes these meetings of minutes turn into relationships for a life time