Anaya...... freedom

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Her wedding dress laid discarded on the floor. It was time..... time to act on her decision that she had contemplated about for so long.

As she walked out of the room, she went back in time when all of it started.

Anaya was a simple, educated and a very care-free girl who believed in enjoying life to the fullest. As per her desires, she had graduated from a very reupted college in the city and had been immeditely picked up by the top most designing boutique. She had explored her creativity and designed clothes creating her own signature style.

One thing led to another and before she knew her parents were talking about her wedding. She met Adarsh in one such traditional match fixing date and had instantly taken a liking towards his straight forward and down to earth nature. She had given her approval to her parents and the prepareations for her wedding started. Her parents were exicted about their only daughter's wedding and being very wealthy did not want to leave any stone unturned for her wedding. They had spent a lot of money and had only the grandest & finest things arranged for her wedding.

Full Circle

It's strange how life turns around when you are least expecting it.

2008 - 2010 has been extremely taxing on me, in terms of personal life, relationships, professional life and in terms of maintaining my sanity as a person, as an individual. I always had this thoughts that I was bound with shackles which was making it very difficult for me to think, strategize and come out with a solution. It was like I was on the brink of insanity and many of my previous posts have reflected this.

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The last 2 years, I've realized emotions which I've never expected, experienced frustration at its peak, desperation clawing in me and depression killing me from inside. But if there's something that I must be proud about in these 2 years, it is the ability of having grown as a person internally and individually. The ability of having to withstand negative emotions without reacting to it. The ability of being indifferent towards people and towards circumstances which I no longer cared about. The ability of controlling my anger towards people and towards circumstances.

Just when I had given up hopes of a brighter tomorrow, the sun shone with its glorious rays encapsulating me with a warm glow of contentment from within.

Delays are not denials - I had read this as somebody's status message on gtalk a couple of days ago. When i had read the message, I was filled with rage. Because for me, delays have always turned out to be denials.

But then I also do believe in the adage of a silver lining for every dark cloud. And Trust me; I believe this now more than ever.

It's strange how life turns a full circle when you are least expecting it.

It hurts............. but do 'You' realise that it does???

Given the kind of human beings we are, one of the things that would hurt us the most is Differentiation!

Having known that do we stop others from doing it to us? No! Do we stop ourselves from doing it to others? No! Yet, if there's something that hurts us the maximum its differentiation! And its probably the most widely used tool too - the Power to differentiate!

Taciturn reflections indeed!

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I thought my creative juices had dried up & I was suffering from a temporary period of writer's block until a disturbing event surged up my emotions wreaking havoc in my mind.

The past few weeks have been extremely disturbing at the personal font & taxing my brains creating unexplainable turmoil within me. I have been muddling my way through this mess, dragging myself to face the realities of the harsh world yet again. I thought “YOU” were giving me the courage & the hope of a brighter tomorrow. All “YOU” were doing is feeding me with enough strength so that when I could faintly stand up on my legs, “YOU” can beat me down to dust again. “YOU” & me have an on-going battle, since time immemorial which both of know & are aware of. By now i have learnt of tricks to deceit “YOU” in “YOUR” own game. Yet my love & devotion towards you has never become less. Yes, I do question “YOU” on occasions when I felt “YOU” were not by me, those occasions when I needed “YOUR” support the most, I had to search high & low for “YOU.”

I do believe in the "footprints of sand", but “YOU” have never proved it to me when time & again I was faced with such situations where I wanted “YOU” to hold my hand and comfort me. Yet, I am not complaining about it.

But I don’t understand “YOUR” actions towards the people who trusted “YOU” the most. Even during the most disturbing times they never forget to thank “YOU” for what “YOU” have given them, yet it is these very people who “YOU” are torturing today with pain like they have never experienced before.

I know I deserve the 'testing times', “YOU” are taking me through. “YOU” probably want to make me emotionally stronger. What I fail to understand is why “YOU” are taking 'them' through these testing times when they definitely do not deserve this at this age. Don't “YOU” feel you are distancing “YOURSELF” from them??? Yet their love and devotion towards “YOU” will not become less. They will never complain to “YOU” about it.

I don’t know if this would make “YOU” feel any much guilty than “YOU” already are?