Back with (hopefully) a bang!!!

It’s been 4 years since the world cup and 4 years since I’ve last posted on this blog (except for the one off blog entry on 'The Immortals of Meluha'). 4 year has been quite a long time to go on a hiatus.

But 4 years is definitely a long time for copious changes to happen in one’s life. From being Ms. to Mrs., from being in HR to becoming a part of an instructional designing team, from being Mrs. to almost taking the next step of becoming a mom but losing it mid way and from being employed to becoming unemployed. Numerous changes, numerous emotions, numerous gains and numerous pains. That just sums up my life for the last 4 years.

Over the course of these past 4 years life has been a constant teacher. It has allowed me to make mistakes, corrected me when needed, made me restless when my goals haven’t been achieved, given me the satisfaction and the much needed rest when I have been able to reach the next milestone in my life, given me the opportunity to be at my happiest best and made me grieve over what’s lost.

I met my special somebody, my future family whom I’ve come to believe as my own, made new friends, made new connections that last me a life time, met new people and carried on with life.

The past years has shown me both ups and downs, shown me my best and my worst, shown me who’s mine and who isn’t. I’ve lived every minute, every second of these past years. I’ve enjoyed my life for whatever it is during these years. I only hope that the future years have something good stored in them. Something memorable, something that makes life worth living!

Full Circle

It's strange how life turns around when you are least expecting it.

2008 - 2010 has been extremely taxing on me, in terms of personal life, relationships, professional life and in terms of maintaining my sanity as a person, as an individual. I always had this thoughts that I was bound with shackles which was making it very difficult for me to think, strategize and come out with a solution. It was like I was on the brink of insanity and many of my previous posts have reflected this.

Image Source

The last 2 years, I've realized emotions which I've never expected, experienced frustration at its peak, desperation clawing in me and depression killing me from inside. But if there's something that I must be proud about in these 2 years, it is the ability of having grown as a person internally and individually. The ability of having to withstand negative emotions without reacting to it. The ability of being indifferent towards people and towards circumstances which I no longer cared about. The ability of controlling my anger towards people and towards circumstances.

Just when I had given up hopes of a brighter tomorrow, the sun shone with its glorious rays encapsulating me with a warm glow of contentment from within.

Delays are not denials - I had read this as somebody's status message on gtalk a couple of days ago. When i had read the message, I was filled with rage. Because for me, delays have always turned out to be denials.

But then I also do believe in the adage of a silver lining for every dark cloud. And Trust me; I believe this now more than ever.

It's strange how life turns a full circle when you are least expecting it.

Unconditional Love

Add caption

A story is told about a soldier who was finally coming home after having fought in Vietnam. He called his parents from San Francisco.

"Mom and Dad, I'm coming home, but I've a favor to ask. I have a friend I'd like to bring home with me."

"Sure," they replied, "we'd love to meet him."

"There's something you should know the son continued, "he was hurt pretty badly in the fighting. He stepped on a land mind and lost an arm and a leg. He has nowhere else to go, and I want him to come live with us."

"I'm sorry to hear that, son. Maybe we can help him find somewhere to live."

"No, Mom and Dad, I want him to live with us."

The Great Greek king, Alexander

Image Source

The great Greek king, Alexander, after conquering many kingdoms, was returning home. On the way, he fell ill and he was bedridden for months. With death drawing close, Alexander realized how his conquests, his great army, his sharp sword and all his wealth were of no use.

He called his generals and said, “I will depart from this world soon. But I have three wishes. Please fulfill my wishes without fail.” With tears flowing down their cheeks, the generals agreed to abide by their king’s last wishes.

“My first desire is that,” said Alexander, “my physicians alone must carry my coffin. Secondly, when my coffin is being carried to the grave, the path leading to the graveyard should be strewn with gold, silver and precious stones which I have collected in my treasury. My third and last wish is that both my hands should be kept dangling out of my coffin.” The people who had gathered there wondered at the king’s strange wishes. But no one dared to question. Alexander’s favorite general kissed his hand and pressed them to his heart. “O king, we assure you that your wishes will all be fulfilled. But tell us why do you make such strange wishes?

At this Alexander took a deep breath and said, “I would like the world to know of the three lessons I have just learnt.

I want my physicians to carry my coffin because people should realize that no doctor can really cure anybody. They are powerless and cannot save a person from the clutches of death. So let not people take life for granted.

The second wish of strewing gold, silver and other riches on the way to the graveyard is to tell people that not even a fraction of gold can be taken by me. Let people realize that it is a sheer waste of time to chase wealth.

And about my third wish of having my hands dangling out of the coffin, I want people to know that I came empty handed into this world and empty handed I go out of this world.”

Alexander’s last words: “Bury my body, do not build any monument, keep my hands outside so that the world knows the person who won the world had nothing in his hands when dying.”

~ Borrowed from the internet

It hurts............. but do 'You' realise that it does???

Given the kind of human beings we are, one of the things that would hurt us the most is Differentiation!

Having known that do we stop others from doing it to us? No! Do we stop ourselves from doing it to others? No! Yet, if there's something that hurts us the maximum its differentiation! And its probably the most widely used tool too - the Power to differentiate!

My sorrow is not for sale

Image Source

My sorrow is not for sale,
Nor for exhibition.
Yet I end up auctioning my tears
The devil bids the highest.

Courtesy: http://gaurigharpure.blogspot.com/

Guess I'm the one who's most familiar with this. My only hope would be to wish that the devil is actually an angel in the guise of a devil

Give me some sunshine give me some rain, give me another chance to grow up once again……….

Of late there’s this strange sense of loneliness that’s creeping into me. I’m feeling myself drawn into a black hole with no way out. It like walking in a dark room with no support, or like somebody’s blindfolded me and let me loose in a place which I’ve no clue about. Finding myself alone amidst a crowd of strangers is understandable. But I seem to be finding myself alone even among known people. I’m lost in my own thoughts when everybody around me is discussing something important. I don’t seem to connect with them on any level. I’ve tried to reason it out with myself, and am not able to come to any substantial conclusion. What’s more disturbing is every time I contemplate about it, I’m being drawn deeper into the black hole. It’s happening from within and it’s like I’m completely shutting myself from the outer world. I’m not becoming conceited but I do feel that I’m on the verge of becoming oblivious to the world around me. I know it’s not a good sign but I don’t see any ray of light which can pull me away from this feeling of emptiness.

Taciturn reflections indeed!

Image Source

I thought my creative juices had dried up & I was suffering from a temporary period of writer's block until a disturbing event surged up my emotions wreaking havoc in my mind.

The past few weeks have been extremely disturbing at the personal font & taxing my brains creating unexplainable turmoil within me. I have been muddling my way through this mess, dragging myself to face the realities of the harsh world yet again. I thought “YOU” were giving me the courage & the hope of a brighter tomorrow. All “YOU” were doing is feeding me with enough strength so that when I could faintly stand up on my legs, “YOU” can beat me down to dust again. “YOU” & me have an on-going battle, since time immemorial which both of know & are aware of. By now i have learnt of tricks to deceit “YOU” in “YOUR” own game. Yet my love & devotion towards you has never become less. Yes, I do question “YOU” on occasions when I felt “YOU” were not by me, those occasions when I needed “YOUR” support the most, I had to search high & low for “YOU.”

I do believe in the "footprints of sand", but “YOU” have never proved it to me when time & again I was faced with such situations where I wanted “YOU” to hold my hand and comfort me. Yet, I am not complaining about it.

But I don’t understand “YOUR” actions towards the people who trusted “YOU” the most. Even during the most disturbing times they never forget to thank “YOU” for what “YOU” have given them, yet it is these very people who “YOU” are torturing today with pain like they have never experienced before.

I know I deserve the 'testing times', “YOU” are taking me through. “YOU” probably want to make me emotionally stronger. What I fail to understand is why “YOU” are taking 'them' through these testing times when they definitely do not deserve this at this age. Don't “YOU” feel you are distancing “YOURSELF” from them??? Yet their love and devotion towards “YOU” will not become less. They will never complain to “YOU” about it.

I don’t know if this would make “YOU” feel any much guilty than “YOU” already are?

Depressing Depressions!

Its one of those days were you feel that the whole world’s against you and I’m in one of those rotten moods where I feel like cursing every damn person I come across with the most eloquent reprimand.

Its also one of those days when I really want to talk……………. just talk about all those thoughts pent up within me, the thoughts that are actually driving me crazy, the thoughts that are pushing me to the brink of insanity, the thoughts that are killing me. The only reason I don’t want to talk about them is because they don’t make any sense to anybody else other than me. You actually need to “be there- feel that” to understand the confusing turmoil happening within me.

Have you ever tried to doodle with your thoughts trying to make some sense out of the perplexity within you? If you’re actually as jobless as I am, try it one day. Sometimes it leads to amazing revelations about oneself; you discover stuff that you dint know about yourself and you’ll be amazed that you can actually think in that direction too. But most of the time you end up getting more confused than you were before.

When you are in one of these depressing moods, when you feel the need for a friend, a shoulder to cry on, it’s not hard to notice that you don’t find anybody next to you. You are left alone with these pondering thoughts with nobody to share, nobody to listen, and nobody to guide you in overcoming them. You are left with just one friend…. Your loneliness.

Image Source